Core Memories

Do you think you know you're in the process of creating a core memory that you know it? Or do you think that later on you look back and realize that was one of the things that shaped you?

TW: death of an animal

This dog shaped me. 

Her name was Suzie. We got her for free after someone realized that labs need structure and a job. She was J's dog. But we bonded in a special way after she got hit by a car. 

All three of our dogs had gotten loose and we were frantically driving around looking for them. Finally we found them, and Suzie had been hit by a car. Her back leg was shattered. We rushed her to the vet where she had surgery and was fitted with an ex-fix or external fixation device to help stabilize the leg until it could heal. 

Suzie was about a year old when that happened, so she was full of energy and did not like staying in the kennel. I was the only one who was home taking care of her constantly, so we bonded. I would take her into the yard and let her sniff around in small amounts to alleviate her boredom. I would play with her inside her cage and try to engage her so she didn't lose her mind. Even though she wasn't my dog, she was super special to me. 

Fast forward a bit, and she seemed like she wasn't feeling well. It was the weekend, so I said "well if she's still not feeling well tomorrow we'll take her to the vet" but it would turn out to be too late. By time she got to the vet the pyrometra had gone too far and she had to be euthanized during surgery because her body was not able to handle the stress. 

This is the last time I've ever uttered the words "we'll wait and take them to the vet later". The core memory of losing Suzie and carrying that regret and that guilt with me will not let me make that decision again. At the time it was happening I did not realize the impact it had on me, but now looking back I realize that my decisions to spay or neuter everything at the youngest possible age as well as never delaying veterinary care if I'm the slightest bit unsure were shaped by this event. 

Sorry for the super sad core memory y'all. And here's to all the dogs that shaped our lives. They really are the best and sometimes I know humans do not deserve them.