Thursday, June 9, 2022


I have wanted to be more transparent about my mental health journey for quite some time, and I always felt held back for a variety of reasons including how potential employers would react to knowing just how much I actually struggle with this. 

Now that I am working for myself I no longer have this worry, and I am starting to feel more okay about opening up about my struggles over the years. 

This is the story of one such struggle. 

I had to go to traffic court because of driving on a suspended license as well as several other minor traffic charges. My Papaw drove me to the traffic court and was sitting there with me. Traffic court is weird because they tell everyone the same time then it's just randomly calling folks up. Finally it was my turn. 

I was standing up at the podium and the judge was asking me countless questions about why I was driving with a suspended license and why I had the wrong tag on the car and why I didn't have insurance. Honestly, a lot of it was to do with the fact that even though I'm intelligent, I don't have the patience to muddle through with day to day tasks like that so when no one is sort of directly supervising me I tend to just ignore them. (10/10 do not recommend this as a coping mechanism for life).

So backstory: my license was suspended because I had gotten a ticket for having a missing headlight. My father said he would pay that ticket for me. He never did. They suspended my license for failing to pay that ticket which I thought was paid. I honestly had no money to get all these things taken care of and in my fit of mania I didn't see why I even should or what the laws of the state of Florida thought they would even do. 

Anyway, I'm standing up there at the front of the court room and the judge is asking me sooooo many annoying questions, but then he keeps interrupting me when I'm trying to explain what happened and why I was in this situation. Finally, after he cut me off I asked him, "are you glad you paid a hundred and fifty thousand dollars to go to law school so you could be a traffic court judge?" Then I proceeded to ask him if his parents were proud that he was a traffic court judge. Basically I continued to berate this judge about how he wasn't even a real judge because it was traffic court until he had the bailiff take me into custody. 

I then had to spend the weekend in jail. 

But first they had to drive us there in the jail van. But that ride is a story for another day. 

Looking back I know that I was full on in a manic episode as I was definitely exhibiting grandiose behaviors and thinking that the rules of life and society did not apply to me. I definitely was dissociating and had lost touch with most of reality. If you or someone you know is experiencing this please get professional help. I know this story sounds really funny, and I laughed as I wrote it; but I could have really ruined my life and I was really just lucky that I am not dead or in prison. 

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