I have big time imposter syndrome.
Actually after finishing this book I was reading called Continuing the Ride (this week's Book Talk Tuesday book) and then talking with my therapist last week I have come to the realization that I essentially have zero self confidence in almost anything including things that logically I know I am good at and excel at.
I wondered where this self confidence had gone, and I wanted to talk about ways to deal with my anxiety. My therapist suggested that because of my abusive relationships in the past I had lost my self confidence and my mind immediately went to physical abuse.
Then we talked about how my ex essentially belittled me over everything down to making fun of how my handwriting looks and the fact that my hair is super straight. I'm still self conscious about my handwriting and my hair. The biggest thing he did was tell me I needed to sell my horses and give up my barrel racing dream. He reinforced this repeatedly over the years by circumventing every opportunity I had to swing a leg over a horse, and would tell me I needed to stop even watching it because I would never make it.
The crazy thing is that he never even saw me ride!
But now I have the biggest imposter syndrome. And it does not help that there are mean girls everywhere in this sport. I know logically that I can ride. I know logically that I used to be really good. That little voice though....boy oh boy is it loud or what?
When I was in grad school for my literature degree we discussed imposter syndrome and how it affects women more often than men. I guess it's just another way the misogyny holds us back.
Anyway, all of this to say that I have such imposter syndrome, but I am going to be working through it and my anxiety. I will be posting about it on my social media, and I hope to do a 30 day challenge with ALL OF YOU so that we can work on some stuff together! So stay tuned.
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