On the Outside Looking In

Friday, September 2, 2022


I have mostly felt like an outsider my entire life. 

It's not that I don't have friends because I do. It's just that I always feel like I'm on the peripheral of the friend group. Like whether I'm there or not it won't matter. And I don't say this to get sympathy or for reassurance. I'm generally okay with it. 

I was never a member of the "cool kids" club, and now that I look back that's really quite okay. I mean when we see popular books or movies or tv series these days, who are the main characters? 

It's always the little weirdo outsiders. 

And then everyone loves them, so I take solace in that fact. I also know it's partially my fault. I'm super shy, and although I've gotten less shy or have overcome that paralyzing and crippling anxiety that keeps me from talking to people as I've gotten older I know that I am standoffish and awkward. I'd definitely rather be reading or doing some sort of craft rather than actually talking to people....

Recently I was realizing that in my small business friends I really feel a little on the outside. And they're all very lovely people then I realized I don't participate as much as some of the others. I don't really get involved with cliques or cozy up to anyone. In fact, sometimes I actively avoid anything that feels like a clique or a super tight knit friend group because I honestly do not have the time or energy to put into it. So, I was feeling really bad about this then I realized I actually don't need to be a part of the cool club crowd because I'm really okay at being me. 

Have you ever felt like this? 

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