Tuesday, October 25, 2022

 Today is one of those days wherein I am completely convinced that every single person who is my friend actually hates me. I've been struggling with my meds the past month or so because of screw ups either at the pharmacy or my doctor's office. I was off my lithium (mood stabilizer) for a little over a week, then as I got back on that I ran out of my escitalopram (antidepressant/antianxiety meds) and was off of those for over a week. Suffice it to say that I am not stable, and my anxiety is through the roof. 

available here

I've been staying up all night, and sometimes going a day or two with no sleep. This just makes the hypomania ramp up even more. I mean, I guess at least it's not depression? Depression is a lot less fun. And I guess at least it's staying in the realm of hypomania where I haven't completely lost touch with reality or started having hallucinations where I believe that Taylor Swift is giving me specific messages about the universe because that would be CA-RAY-ZEE. And I definitely didn't have that thought as I stayed up all night repeatedly listening to the new album.

Since I don't need sleep or food really anymore, I have gotten a ton of planning done. Except the issue is partly that I know when I am stabilized I probably won't understand half of the notes I'm making. Like what the hell does butterfly books mean? And why is Taylor taking over all of the colors? What's the message!?!?!!

Anyway, how are y'all?

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