Tuesday, November 29, 2022


Thanks for sticking around being that I have not been blogging consistently. I've been struggling a bit with my mental health, and with the holidays coming up the struggles tend to get a little bit harder for some reason. 

I think this is the case for many of us who struggle with our mental health. The stress of purchasing gifts, especially when there are some financial hardships along with the social engagements and sometimes uncomfortable family situations or estranged family situations can all make the holidays extra stressful. 

Here are some tips that I've adopted to help me stay a little more stable through the holidays. 

  1. I say no to any gatherings that I don't feel like going to, this includes traveling to anywhere to visit if I think it's going to be stressful. 
  2. I take time for myself if there are any tasks that I have to complete. Like stopping by the bookstore or getting a pedi during shopping. This makes it feel like more of a fun outing instead of a daunting task. 
  3. I only shop for a select few people. I used to buy gifts for literally everyone, but now I just don't. Same for Christmas cards. 
  4. I do not host parties. 
Basically a lot of my holiday coping skills go right along with my day to day coping skills along with giving myself permission to simply say no to anything that I don't want to do or makes me feel anxious at all. This has not always been the case. 

I used to host Christmas parties, New Year's parties, go to multiple events, send cards to literally any and everyone I'd ever met (hand written cards y'all), organize office parties, and buy gifts for everyone too. I was miserable. I was so busy and focused on the minutiae of doing things for people that really never noticed all the effort I was putting forth in order to have an appearance of "having it all together" and this image of the perfect suburban housewife that did everything and was always "on it". 

But man....fuck that. 

I was not happy. 

I was riddled with tons of anxiety and drinking too much to self medicate and struggling with all of it. 

So I quit. 

It caused a huge uproar among my in-laws when I decided that I would no longer be spending Christmas Eve with them because it wasn't fun for me. I decided that Thanksgiving would be hosted at our house, and we would not be traveling around to multiple homes on that day. 

Ultimately, my marriage didn't last...but my new found freedom in feeling like I didn't need to make myself uncomfortable and miserable at the holidays or really at any other time stuck. Of course, I still get sad about certain things during the holidays. I miss my grandparents who are both deceased, I miss my son who somehow has decided to not talk to me through two holiday seasons now, and I get nostalgic for how the holidays felt when my own family used to gather on Christmas Eve. 

If you feel stressed by holiday things, maybe take a step back and evaluate whether or not this is something that you have to do...or is it not really a big deal? Are the anxiety and overwhelming feelings worth the overall outcome, or could you save yourself all those feelings and just not do it? If you're looking for permission, then go ahead. Tell them Rhonda said it was okay that you say no to whatever obligation is stressing you out. 

Wishing everyone a very happy holiday season! And I'll be back next year with a very consistent blogging schedule! I look forward to hanging out with y'all. 

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